Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
