She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
