I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
