Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
