I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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