Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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