theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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