I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
