billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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