I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
