the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize