the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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