Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Pants are for mortals
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
