I cannot find my penis.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
and i looked up. we had an audience...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
