I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
