Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
