i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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