My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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