It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
