I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize