He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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