this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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