Do you still have your period?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
