What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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