I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
