just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
