just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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