Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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