Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
