I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize