Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
