On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
