so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
