The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
