When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
