mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize