You know, be my cock's hype man.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just had sex on a roof
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
