do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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