all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
