i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
