You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Send help, water and tortillas.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize