he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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