Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
