it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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