At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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