just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
