The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
