im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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