I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
