it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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