Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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