I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
did you just send me my own nude
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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