i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Too much gin, very little bucket
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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