just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize