Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
