He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
