My nipple is on Facebook.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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