I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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