This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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