Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
