Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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