They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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