I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
