how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
