Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
