In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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