grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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