Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize