U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He felt like a one man threesome
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
