The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
