can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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