someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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