Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
